Primitive Mistakes
by Sof-Chan
Summary: Zapp Brannigan wakes up one morning and starts to ramble about certain delivery boy. (OneShot/Slash/Angst)


**PRIMITIVE MISTAKES**  
>FIC ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN SPANISH BY SOF<br>TRANSLATED AND REVISED BY TEFF

It is fairly sunny by the time he jolts out of REM sleep; even if you were to drag the enormous velvet curtains aside, you would only be faced with the truth. But, regardless of how serene and warm this morning is, He doesn't feel like doing much of anything. Not even to stay curled up in bed and stare absent-mindedly up towards the ceiling as he usually does. As he would like to do.

"_What the hell is that_?" He pondered under his breath as he heard a loud rapping by the door, the sound echoing throughout his palace of a room.

"Captain, Captain! I've brought your breakfast…" _Oh, It's just Kif. _

Hell, He doesn't even have the energy to see him or tell him that he didn't like whatever he whipped up in the kitchen. It's not that he's really all that demanding of him, considering he eats whatever is slapped upon his lap, but the look on Kifs face is just so satisfying especially when he leaves, consumed with rage. But, today, he's just not feeling up to it. __

"D-Don't come in!"He scampers aggressively in bed, gathering the velour sheets all around him. "I'm –uh – naked! Yeah, naked…BREIFS ARE DEFINETABLY STUCK!"

"Ugh.." Kifs undeniable disgust vibrated through the door just then, deep down knowing that this wasn't anything new. Zapp Brannigan just simply never ceases to make his stomach turn and or skin crawl. "Well, I'll come back later, then…..sir." He mutters in a huff, wasting no time to scamper off before Zapp changes his mind and aids his assistance.

Once Kif is gone, Zapp sighs in relief that his subordinate finally got the hint and turned on his heels. Even then, he wasn't entirely sure why he felt so off today and why he couldn't find joy in putting down his first mate when it was usually what got him through the day. Wrapping the velour sheets around himself, he hovers off his oddly shaped bed and staggered about the room in an attempt to understand his own shortcomings. He curves around his bedside table, glancing momentarily at the framed pictures and melted lavender scented candles that adorned the silver top finish before grasping the drawer handle and jutting it out.

Within the dimensions of his drawer, minimal things such as paper and packs of cigarettes were the most obvious items he would keep, but upon taking inventory, the blonde realized why his mood had turned sour from the moment he dragged himself out of bed. Hidden beneath all the clutter, there he found a familiar face. The smile of a naïve, red-head standing within a pizzeria, probably celebrating one of many birthdays.

"Yeah, that's right. He…" 

**FLASHBACK**: **3 MONTHS EARLIER**

"Onward, Soldier!" There in the horizon stood Zapp, dragging about our beloved Judas proxy of a pizza delivery boy towards a pair of glass doors. "For godsakes! Stop being so –uh, well – you!"

"As if that's a bad thing…" Fry responded to Zapps tedious attempt to motivate him in the most timid, yet unnerved tone possible. "But, seriously, I don't…feel like it.."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T 'FEEL LIKE IT'?!" Zapp erupted in a semi frantic tantrum, pulling the smaller redheaded man towards the doors in a childish manner. "IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! DON'T TEST ME OR I SWEAR I'LL TALK TO A WAITER!"

"Ok….ok.." Fry managed to soothe his large companion just enough for the ginormous blonde to free his aching arm. "But, even if I was turning five – A PIZZERIA? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

Zapp, already off his rocker with no patience to speak of, side-eyed his smaller companion while holding one of the doors open as any gentleman would. "Ugh, are you coming in or not?"

Fry shrugged and broke the threshold of an invisible line he felt he shouldn't have crossed. There they were entering what seemed like a Chuck E. Cheese knockoff multi-chain, a place meant to entertain solely children with cheap games and creepy mascots in oversized suits. Of course, It's not as if Zapp couldn't afford something in the means of 'better' – he had the money to throw around every so often- but, tonight, his interior motives were of celebration without the prying eyes of unwanted attention.

He simply wanted to go unnoticed, except for the company of a friend. He even went as far as to dress in the most civilian clothes he could find: a white t-shirt, a pair of blue denim jeans that were a tad bit too tight around the thighs and a black biker jacket he didn't even know he owned. Clothes that were not too different from what his companion usually adorns, even tho the prestigious DOOP captain usually loves the center of attention a little too much to wear them on a daily basis.

But, tonight, he wanted to make it a little special for his partner. Not as if he's ever been a Samaritan of any type, but since that night, witnessing how they rejected Fry at the opera released every fiber of sensibility that he could ever produce in one sitting.

"What's wrong? Didn't you say you liked anchovies?" He asked while he rested one side of his chiseled face into his palm, noticing that Fry hasn't even managed a nibble. "C'mon! This is why I brought you to this fucking place!" He continued on, finding it fairly difficult to consider others when speaking. All in all, he just simply did not want to see another man fall into the depths of despair due to the whims of a woman.

"Y-yeah, I do, but.." Fry lowers his gaze, his eyes hovering just above the rubbery texture of his pizza that has already gone cold. "It just feels like I should be celebrating with…well…"

"….With Leela?" Zapp finished Frys sentence in hopes he could animate his friend, even though the mention of her name pained his very existence. "But, c'mon! This is BOYS NIGHT OUT! Men only!"

"Well…yeah, that's true!" Fry beamed with a slight smile etched on his face, not wanting to seem rude for not acknowledging this special night. "I guess, I never have to worry when I'm with you."

Instantaneously, Fry began to indulge on the food that was meticulously placed in front of him, swatting away his ever racing mind in the act. Sure, he was still a little down, but he wasn't going to starve himself for the sake of misplaced emotions. Incidentally, this was also a nice change of pace for Zapp whom was always limited to side of Fry that was goofy, child-like and overall whimsical. Tonight, Fry was none of these things. He was calm and relaxed with some melodramatic moments in between. Then again, who doesn't experience them?

The night before them wasn't anything special. They ate and talked about childish nonsense even going as far as to ask the rat mascot as to how it reproduced if it had no visible genitals to speak of. However, if truly asked, one would say that it was indeed special for both of them considering that even though they lived in fairly different worlds, they both had many things in common other than their infatuation with the strong willed Leela.

**PRESENT**

"Ah…you. You are the reason why I was so anxiously waiting for the weekend. How ridiculous…" Zapp whispered under his breath, his gaze fixated nowhere in particular. "You're such an idiot, so insecure, so impulsive, so….you. God, I don't think I can find the right adjective that could ever fit you….Fuck, even hating you only draws me closer…it fucking lifts me out of this muck, this mess…I'm at my wits end.."

Even then, how exactly could Zapp channel this gut-wrenching ache in the pit of his stomach? Through his uniform? No, he was not in any way able to continue his duties even though he knew whole-heartedly that he couldn't remain this way. He needed some air, yeah, some fresh air. He needed something, he was suffocating.

"Are you doing alright, sir?" Kif asked with curiosity practically seeping out of his pores. He was surprised to see his superior officer clad in anything other than the pant-less velour uniform, especially when the alternate outfit was a pair of worn out jeans and a black leather jacket. "Going…somewhere –uh – sir?"

"Yes, Kif. Cancel all my appointments." Zapp calmly excused himself, leaving his subordinate in position of worrying about the large blondes wellbeing which Kif has never done in all of his years of service.

But, honestly, what kind of stupid question were those? Couldn't Kif see that Zapp just did not have the energy to be in the presence of just about every soldier aboard the ship or even the ship itself. And even then, it's not as if any of them cared considering Zapp was aware of how much his own underlings despised him. They were all a bunch of brain-less hypocrites leeching off a failing democratic system. Fuck them.

Even now as Zapp exited the docked ship, he wasn't sure where his feet would take him. It was still fairly early in the morning so he was pretty sure that his usual spots were definitely not serving anything in the means to wet his whistle. But, he wanted some kind of solidarity. To be alone for at least a few minutes if any at all. As he dragged his feet along the concrete, he noticed a park over the horizon and thought he might as well take refuge there.

**FLASHBACK: 1 MONTH EARLIER**

There we can see the splendor of the park illuminated by the incandescence of a crimson sky stretched above. The sun had started to unwind and give way to the night, bewitching the spectators taking refuge in the abundance of stars. Regardless of its undeniable beauty, there were many who wouldn't sacrifice their safety to bare witness, but having Zapp Brannigan by your side meant you would never have to worry.

"It sure is a beautiful night." Zapp relayed as he walked along the trail with his red-headed smaller companion by his side. "Don't you think so, Fry?"

"Yeah, it is." Fry instinctly responded, keeping his pace fairly slow to accommodate with the fact that his gaze was lowered towards his footing.

"Ok, what's wrong? What's going on?" Zapp abruptly stopped in his tracks, pulling the smaller man slightly over to one side just from halting. Fry was fairly quiet for the precarious talkative bag of enthusiasm that he usually was and it bothered Zapp to have to see him like this on what he believed was a date.

"Ehh, it's nothing really…" Fry sighed, slumping into a park bench nearby. "..i just –uh – had a talk with Leela."

"Well, kid, for 'nothing' it has to be something. Look at you, for godsakes." Zapp bluntly replied, not taking into consideration the situation. He wasn't one to beat the bush and he sure as hell wasn't going to start now. "C'mon, out with it! It's not as if she's here or anything."

Fry hesitated to comply, but there wasn't much he could do when he was being put on the spot like this. "…well, we kinda talked about our relationship..." He began, the weight on his shoulders alleviating as he talked even though Zapp, on the other hand, cringed at the mention of a relationship. It was the same old song and dance with Fry wanting to go beyond whatever they had and Leela rejecting his advances at ever checkpoint made over the years. "She – uh – said she wanted some time apart, you know, to think. But, she won't answer my calls and god, she thinks I'm an idiot. I'm not good enough for her."

Upon listening to Fry take himself down a few notches, Zapp couldn't help but to feel something deep in the pit of his stomach. Not necessarily anger bent on hatred, but frustration. "Y-YOU ARE NOT AN IDIOT!" He blurted, unable to control the volume of his voice. It pissed him off when people around him made themselves seem less than what they are, dehumanizing themselves to a point of dissociation. You have to draw the line somewhere. "You haven't done anything bad, Fry. You make a lot of people pretty fucking happy."

"But…" Fry continued on, indifferent about Zapps attempt to cheer him up. "I'm not even half attractive than I thought I was or smart, for that matter. At least, not at smart as the guys she's been with. I have nothing to offer, NOTHING! I have no future at all, but I love her."

Zapp couldn't stand this any longer and turned towards Fry to seize him by the shoulders, pulling his torso closer to his own broader frame. With his face only inches away from Zapps, Fry could see the fury emanating there. Festering the sapphire jewels that were his eyes just moments ago. "You are NOT AN IDIOT" He bellowed, clearly agitated by this point. "Don't talk about yourself like that!"

"…Zapp..?"

"Look. Sure, you're kinda awkward and can barely comprehend the English language…" Zapp went on, breaking off into a tangent momentarily to hide the fact that he did not know what he was doing. What he did know, however, is that he wanted this redheaded deliver boy to smile again. It wasn't in his nature not to do so, but then again, It wasn't in Zapp's either to be so 'charitable'."But, understand that you are not in any shape or form an idiot just because someone makes you feel as one. I think, otherwise. "

"But, man, I'm tired. I don't know what to do. I have tried literally everything…." Fry slumped a little farther in his seat, staring straight ahead between a handful of trees. "…I just want to die."

Without warning there came a pang that surged throughout the park and the follow-up of a stinging sensation across Frys left cheek. There he sat, wide eyed and full of tears as the mark of Zapps large hand lay crestfallen over the fleshy mound. It took a few moments for Fry to register the situation, let alone, register the pain. "..w-WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

"You can't even handle a slap across the face…" Zapp chuckled a bit at the scene sprawled out in front of him, but found that cynicism didn't do much to cut the tension. "…And you want to kill yourself? See, /that/ is idiocy. Correction, that is /cowardice/."

"W-well…" Fry mumbled as he attempted to rub the numbness away. "I-It wasn't so bad…"

Zapp has never let himself forget that forsaken night, for it was the only true moment in his life that he willingly helped someone other than himself. Sure, he has saved countless of lives as that was in his job description as an officer of intergalactic peace. But, this was an intimate gesture. Fry, to him, was a greater objective and his feelings for the redheaded basket case surpassed anything he's ever felt for any person occupying the universe. Fry wasn't small like some child or delicate as a woman in distress, but even then his need to protect him was within the same caliber and he wasn't going to let him get hurt that easily.

**PRESENT**

As Zapp walked within the park, he couldn't help noticing how disturbing the atmosphere was. Couples lounged around him, covering each other with so many butterfly kisses that Zapp felt uncomfortable to be the only one without a significant other by his side. He could only then think of Fry and how he wished he could hold him in his arms, maybe that would help him blend in more to the obscenity of the young lovers sprawled all about like some Woodstock aftermath portrait.

He could only think of how at first glance, Fry just seemed like some nobody. Just another loser lost in his old aged ambitions, trying so hard to adapt to a generation unlike his own with an over the top goofy smile plastered on his face. And even then, what the hell did this loser have that Zapp didn't? Zapp had a better social status, a prestigious career to be proud of and was overall easy on the eyes. Why was this backwards turnip so content with nothing?

But then he remembered that night, that opera in which he attended not only because he obtained as invitation but also because of the social pressure that came with his job as a government issued captain. If he didn't witness the "Best Opera in History", it would most definitely have his peers think less of him. He went, however, with all intentions to put down this loser. "_What kind of wimp even puts together an Opera or play a holophone, for that matter? Has anyone even seen his arms? They looked like over-cooked spaghetti." _ Zapp thought.

But, regardless of his distaste for the redheaded delivery boy, he came to enjoy the music he played. The sentimental bitterness enveloped him and made him experience something he's never truly been able to put into words. If it was any type of admiration, he did not know. He just understood that he enjoyed the sensation.

It was during the turn of an overture where he bared witness to a scene that truly broke his heart. There he saw the women in which he had loved physically brushing out demonstrations of love that if harvested could feed an entire nation. This angered Zapp because he could not understand how someone could be this cruel, especially when this was real. It was real love being taken for granted. "_Who the hell did she think she is?" _Zapp cringed, lost in thought.

He could easily say that he didn't understand how women think, but in all honesty, he understood just fine because he's been in similar situations. And because of this realization, he got close to Fry. In a matter of hours he coaxed the sunken delivery boy and learned more about his attributes, about his family, his history and interests. It took Zapp aback how sincere Fry was being with him, of how he gawked at him with his duller blue eyes and showed interest in everything spewing out of the blondes mouth as if it was candy to the ears.

Has Fry always been like this? Zapp couldn't exactly say, but retrospectively, it felt as if he was looking at himself in the mirror. A younger version of himself that was full to brim with enthusiasm and moxy, ready to tackle any obstacle that came his way. Looking at Fry, with his goofy crooked smile and large attentive eyes, Zapp couldn't help but to admire him. In some form, he wanted to be like Fry. To be with him.

"_What the fuck am I saying_?" Zapp thought, shaking his head slightly to whisk away any wishful thinking. "_I hate him, for fucksakes!"_

Zapp continued his brisk walk, coming to a stop when the rumbling sound in which he knew far too well came erupting out of his stomach. He hadn't eaten anything since he got up this morning and failed to sneak at least a snack to get him by. It was still too early for any kind of restaurant to open its door, and even then, it pained him to even think of dining in one again.

**FLASHBACK: 1 WEEK AGO AT ELZARS **

"Cadet! Took you long to get here." Zapp happily greeted Fry at his arrival. "What was it that you needed to tell me?"

"Well…" Fry began to reply as he pulled out a chair and sat himself across from Zapp. Upon lifting his head to make eye contact, his smile widen into the same old goofiness Zapp was all too familiar with. "I just wanted to apologize for being so negative, you know. I've been thinking a lot about that night in the park."

"Yeah?" Zapp cocked an eyebrow, confused at the mention of that night. "What about it?"

"You told me…" He recounted his memory of the evening, all the while taking Zapps hand into his. "that I should be more assertive and straight up talk to Leels."

"And? What does that have to do with me?" Zapp blurted out, starting to feel extremely uncomfortable with the direction this conversation with turning to.

"Well, long story short, I finally went out with her. It was a really weird date and I was just so nervous I was going to blow it…" Fry rolled his eyes, a nervous laugh masking his insecurities as he spoke.

"And….I care because?" This initial thought surged through the mind of said burly captain as Fry boasted. This wasn't the time to talk about Cyclops and the stupid one-sided love relationship Fry had with them. This was MANS time, a time to hang out and talk without trivial things clouding our minds. But like a gentleman, Zapp remained silent, not wanting to be rude.

"I think, I'm going to ask Leela to marry me…" Zapp mumbled after such a long pause in between, a slight pink emanating from his cheeks at the mention of marriage. On the contrary, Zapp did not feel any kind of kindleship towards the mention of it.

Right then and there, Zapp felt as if his body was being ripped into pieces. An unsettling pain rose from the abysmal pit of his soul to his heart and festered like a volcano. He couldn't believe what he was hearing and incidentally, he sure as hell did not want to accept it. One would think that this was jealousy for losing the girl he chased after absent-mindedly all these years, but no. He could care less what happened to Leela. He had gotten over his tedious sex-driven fascination with her. His broken heart wept solitarily for the delivery boy. The one he came to understand and admire in the absence of his misguided search for closure.

Zapp couldn't deny how much he loved Fry but, even then, there he sat in horror, not knowing what to do now. Instead of faking his way through it, Zapp abruptly got up and out of his seat, lowering his head in a slight bow. "Well, Ok. Congratulations. If you excuse me, I have work to do."

"Wait, woah, where are you going?" Fry jolted out of his seat, turning a quarter of the way to look at Zapp. "We haven't even ordered anything yet!"

"Put it on my tab." Zapp muttered as he curved the table and began to make his exit. But Fry wasn't going to just end it like that.

He sprinted right after Zapp, his chair falling on its side from the speed of his movements. He didn't understand what was happening and why Zapp was acting this way, but he was determined to find out.

"What's wrong?" He finally caught up to his friend, surprised how fast such a man of his caliber could really move when provoked. After catching his breath, Fry gingerly placed his hand on the larger mans shoulder. "Is it because of Lee…"

"IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU!" Zapp bellowed, cutting Fry off mid-sentence. He turned his head slightly to meet the smaller man's gaze, his eyes still vibrant and intense regardless of the tears occupying them. Fry could then see how much his news had affected Zapp, noticing lines on his face that he has never been aware of beforehand. "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? DON'T YOU REALIZE THE SITUATION WE'RE IN? OF HOW I WAS WITH YOU? MY FUCKING INTENTIONS?"

"…Oh god…" Frys voice cracked, his eyes wide at the realization of what was to come. "I-Im sorry…I didn't realize. I-I didn't… know…". Fry then attempted to close the gap between them and comfort Zapp, but Zapp wasn't having any of it. In response, Zapp nudges Frys hand off his shoulder and pushes him away with such velocity that Fry loses his balance and falls backwards onto the concrete.

"Captain…" Fry sobbed, watching as his "secret admirer" treaded right out of his life. He slumped forward, his forehead resting directly on top of the sidewalk. "I'm an idiot. I'm a fucking idiot. I-It was a mistake…"

**PRESENT**

It sure was a mistake.

With a relationship such as what they had, it was a matter of time before the cracks intersected and brought it to an end. Bits and pieces would fall in opposite sides of their psyches, never to meet again. And, even after the shattered pieces were swept under the rug, Fry still attempted to collect them through phone calls. But, Zapp wasn't up to any of it. He didn't want to see him, or even hear his voice. He feared for his sanity if he were to witness those dull yet playful eyes and the cheek to cheek goofy smile that was forever a trait of his.

"What am I thinking…?" Zapp whispered under his breath as he kept on walking through the park, continuing even after he passed the exit. "I still love him, we w-were perfect for each other."

Zapp had been walking since the sun rose this morning and through it all, he had not eaten. By now, he shrugged it off considering he would still feel incredibly empty whether he ate or not. He would still feel tired whether he slept or not and all he wanted to do was vomit from the frustration.

He didn't want think about yet another falter in his life and be the only recipient of such pain while the others walk about life with happiness in their pockets and worries tucked into their socks. Whether he really did love Fry or not, he didn't want to be the one overlooked again. He couldn't deal with it.

When the sun reached its highest peak, Zapp found himself toppling over the edge of a cliff adjacent to the George Washington Bridge. Below him lay jagged rocks and litter composed of broken bottles and pieces of metal left behind by malfunctioning robots. With one step, it was over and he would never have to feel anything ever again.

At the end of the day, we are nothing but a couple of idiots.

Final Words: Thank you for read this! I haven't written a fanfiction in a while because job and these boring someone inspired me with their Zapp's drawings on tumblr (taustekli ,aka Teff) who's also a really nice person who translated this fic that was originally on Spanish ,so give them the thanks if u enjoyed this!

I just made a silly attempt to write something angsty.


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